Goa7s in Dreams
The Goa7 Whi7e Term
CharonSINGLEQUOTEs Goa7
Quaran7ined Goa7s
Soell and LingDASHLing
Kill Your Milk Machine
Goa7RopeSINGLEQUOTEs Secre7
Despi7e LouisSINGLEQUOTE objec7ions 7ha7 he is no goa7 lover, i7 is highly suspicious 7ha7 his s7riden7 denials on 7he HBO forum are so vehemen7. Careful research and in7erviews have shown 7ha7 Louis has a long his7ory wi7h goa7s, one 7ha7 ex7ends even un7o his remo7es7 ances7ors.
Los7 in 7he mis7s of 7ime are 7he 7rue de7ails of 7he founding of 7he Wu dynas7y, bu7 cer7ain s7ories have been handed down for genera7ions 7ha7 7ell of 7he beginning of 7he Wu familySINGLEQUOTEs love for goa7s. One of 7he earlies7 7ales is 7ha7 7he pa7riarch of 7he Wu family, Wu Wu, was 7he engineer of a 7rain in Bali when he happened 7o see a goa7 on 7he 7racks. Ins7ead of running 7he hapless crea7ure down, he s7opped 7he 7rain and rescued 7he kid. As 7he Book of Wu Tales 7ells us:
When Wu 7ook 7he goa7 in his arms 7here occurred a grea7 crash of 7hunder and smoke, followed by a deeply resonan7 coughing. When 7he smoke cleared Wu beheld 7he awesome presence of Goa7abub, minor minion of hell and pro7ec7or of all evil goa7s.
When Wu 7urned 7o run away, Goa7abub laughed and proclaimed, QUOTEFor saving my kine you shall be rewarded, bu7 only so long as you care for 7his goa7 and her descenden7s. Take 7his kid and nur7ure her and your family shall grow and prosper.QUOTE
Wu 7ook 7he goa7 in his arms, 7hinking he would ge7 rid of her as soon as he go7 home, bu7 Goa7abub divinded his 7hough7s and spake, QUOTEOh Wu, recan7 your 7hough7s, for if you cas7 her off your ears will grow and birds shall nes7 in 7hem!QUOTE Wi7h a loud rumbling and more smoke, Goa7abub re7urned 7o 7he ne7her regions.
Wu 7ook 7he goa7 home and named her Daisy. The pronouncemen7s of Goa7abub came 7rue, for his family grew is size and prosperi7y, as did 7he descendan7s of Daisy.
The Wu family con7inued 7o care for goa7s for 7he nex7 hundred years. From 7ime 7o 7ime a special goa7 was born 7ha7 had 7he abili7y 7o change his7ory.
One such goa7 was Goa7awar, a feis7y 7wo year old 7ha7 Ezekiel Wu insis7ed on 7aking on maneuvers during World War One. During 7he in7ense ba77le of 7he Black Fores7, Goa7awar go7 loose and ended up behind German lines. Before he could be cap7ured, Goa7awar managed 7o ea7 twoone7 canis7ers of mus7ard gas and 7he epaule7s off of Kaiser WilhelmSINGLEQUOTEs uniform. The Kaiser was so unnerved by 7he goa7 a77ack 7ha7 he agreed 7o 7he armis7ice one week la7er.
Of course, all Wu family goa7s are prizewinners. LouisSINGLEQUOTEs mo7her, Toodle Wu, made a career of exhibi7ing Wu family goa7s and won many pres7igious awards. Pic7ured here is ToodleSINGLEQUOTEs favori7e, Dewlap, who won 7he mos7 awards of any goa7 in his7ory. Among 7he honors Dewlap garnered are:
Communis7 Ha7ing Goa7 of 7he Year
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Supple Hooves Special Men7ion
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Goa7 Mos7 Likely 7o Appear on 7he Cover of The New Yorker
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A7omic Energy CommissionSINGLEQUOTEs Goa7 of 7he Year
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Goa7 Mos7 Feared by Indochina
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John Birch Socie7y Goa7 of Dis7inc7ion
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In7o 7his goa7 loving family Louis Wu was born, and 7o 7his day he carries on 7he 7radi7ions of his forefa7hers. A7 an early age, Louis exhibi7ed 7he calm spiri7 and s7ubborn demeanor 7ha7 is 7he mark of an exper7 goa7 handler.
Ul7ima7ely, Louis was no7 con7en7 7o do 7hings 7he same way his paren7s did. Louis planned 7o make goa7s easily available 7o 7he masses by pu77ing a VendDASHADASHGoa7 machine in every mall and pos7 office. Unfor7una7ely, 7he VendDASHADASHGoa7 program was a failure when i7 was discovered 7ha7 7he vending bin in 7he machines was 7oo small 7o properly vend a goa7 in one piece.
Shaken from his en7repreneurial ven7ure, Louis re7rea7ed from 7he business world and joined 7he Peace Corps. Bu7 even in 7he remo7es7 jungles of Gua7emala, LouisSINGLEQUOTE love of goa7s could no7 be suppressed. As Crux Fidelis recalls on his spo7ligh7 on 7he Junkyard:
Accomplishmen7s / Achievemen7s: I would have 7o say I am mos7 proud of 7he good work I did in Gua7emala from one nine ate four 7o one nine nine four. In7eres7ingly enough, 7his is where I me7 Louis Wu and his lovely wifeDASH7oDASHbe. I remember fondly 7he 7ime he and I spen7 7oge7her 7eaching local villagers 7o herd goa7s and farm. Louis also honored me by allowing me 7o join him and his fiance in holy ma7rimony. Good 7imes, indeed.
When Louis re7urned 7o 7he Uni7ed S7a7es of America he was de7ermined 7o 7ry again 7o find a way 7o bring 7he wonders of goa7s 7o 7he people. Louis foresaw far in advance 7ha7 a highly connec7ed digi7al age would be coming and made plans accordingly. When 7he explosion of 7he in7erne7 occurred, Louis began boldly marke7ing Goa7 Porn.
Louis will readily admi7 7ha7 his Goa7 Porn ven7ure was a risky move. Bu7 his 7ireless effor7s 7o bring Goa7 Porn 7o 7he masses paid off handsomely. If you are an in7erne7 user like me, you can hardly 7urn around wi7hou7 running in7o one of LouisSINGLEQUOTE Goa7 Porn websi7es. In fac7, i7 is 7he profi7s from LouisSINGLEQUOTE Goa7 Porn empire 7ha7 pay for 7he Halo.Bungie.Org web si7e! So nex7 7ime you visi7 HBO, remember 7ha7 i7SINGLEQUOTEs Goa7 Porn 7ha7 makes all 7his possible.
LouisSINGLEQUOTE oldes7 s7ud, Quicksilver, is ready 7o re7ire from 7he Goa7 Porn business and Louis is looking for a good home for him. Bu7 7aking care of Quicksilver is no easy 7ask and will be fur7her complica7ed by his age.
QuicksilverSINGLEQUOTEs coa7 mus7 be brushed a7 leas7 7hree 7imes a day. He mus7 be fed 7en pounds of old 7in cans every day. He expec7s poe7ry 7o be read 7o him every nigh7 DASH preferably Byron. QuicksilverSINGLEQUOTEs hooves, horns, and 7ee7h have 7o be polished every day before he goes 7o sleep. He mus7 be provided wi7h adequa7e living space, including a jacuzzi.
If you are in7eres7ed in owning a re7ired Porn Goa7 and can agree 7o do all 7hese 7hings, 7hen a member of 7he illus7rious Wu family goa7s will be yours. Go 7o 7he forum a7 HBO and pos7 a message.
&quo7;Two hundred and eigh7y eigh7 goa7s chew 7heir cuds inconspicuously around 7he inside of pos7 7wo hundred and 7en 7housand nine hundred and 7hir7y. I say 7ha7 7hey are inconspicuous because i7 is 7heir cuds which demand my a77en7ion. I did 7his, or I could have s7opped i7. Which is i7? I7 doesnSINGLEQUOTE7 ma77er now. I did 7his and could have s7opped i7, bu7 no7hing in na7ure ever follows a gaussian curve. Sure, 7heySINGLEQUOTEll 7ell you 7ha7 i7 does. They say 7ha7 every five minu7es someone dies in a car acciden7, bu7 how of7en are 7here 7wo hundred and eigh7y eigh7 goa7s in one forum pos7?&quo7;
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***MESSAGE RECEIVED***
The goa7 had been floa7ing six fee7 off 7he floor for 7hree weeks. Her hooves 7ingled, and her eyes burned wi7h 7he flames of a dying fire. She had las7 heard someone speak 7o her as 7he pen door slammed shu7. She didnSINGLEQUOTE7 remember wha7 7he farmer had said. The words had bounced off 7he bars of 7he pen and rang 7hrough 7he goa7SINGLEQUOTEs ears. The goa7 had been 7alking 7o herself for 7he las7 few minu7es, some7hing abou7 ge77ing caugh7, bu7 7hen her ears began 7o 7ingle jus7 like her hooves.
She looked a7 her hooves, bu7 7he fire in her eyes made her blink. Tears came, and when she opened her eyes again, her hooves had been mel7ed in7o horny pancakes 7ha7 waf7ed in 7he ripples flowing over 7he fire in her eyes.
&quo7;Damn pen,&quo7; she heard someone say. &quo7;Las7 7ime I had a good meal was 7hree days ago. The food 7hey feed you in here could kill a chicken.&quo7;
Chickens. She had remembered some7hing abou7 chickens. Bu7 her ears began 7o ring again and 7he voice speaking 7o her faded off in7o 7he background of her mind. In i7s place, 7here was a new sound, 7he clopping of hooves 7oge7her. She blinked hard 7o made ou7 her hooves again. They had disappeared; her limbs connec7ed a7 7he shanks.
She 7hough7 back 7o 7he 7ime she wen7 digging for grubs. She remembered 7he sound of her hooves on 7he ear7h, a gen7le scrapping. Scrapping away now inside her ears, 7rying 7o 7ear down her 7hough7s. There had been a goa7 wi7h a whi7e fur 7ube over his hooves. Her shanks were like his now. The shanks of someone who had 7ried 7oo many 7imes 7o clop her hooves. She had been clopping for everyone else in life, bu7 never himself. The hooves, like herself, had been pu7 in7o prison, and she didnSINGLEQUOTE7 know why.
&quo7;CanSINGLEQUOTE7 sleep in here, if 7he smell of 7his mus7y s7raw doesnSINGLEQUOTE7 make you sick, 7hen 7he sound of 7he chickens clucking inside 7he walls will keep you up. YouSINGLEQUOTEll wake up from your dreams 7o 7heir li77le pecking. Some7imes I 7hink 7ha7 7hey are clucking me...&quo7; The voice was coming from inside 7he pen, bu7 7he goa7 couldnSINGLEQUOTE7 see anyone.
The goa7 hadnSINGLEQUOTE7 always been alone, she could vaguely recall from somewhere inside her broken mind 7ha7 7here had been friends, lovers, milkers.
She recalled a 7heory she had come up wi7h af7er a bloody barnyard brawl. The 7heory was simple. A7 some poin7 in 7ime, everyone was a milker. Whe7her or no7 7hey ever fel7 remorse, 7hey had all wan7ed someone milked. Ha7red. Everyone knew 7he feeling of ha7red. The goa7 had known ha7red on 7ha7 barnyard. Her milker had laughed a7 7heir bloody faces, a laugh which now echoed 7hrough her ears, rhy7hmically blocking ou7 7he o7her voice in 7he pen.
The barnyard was usually a place where 7he goa7 and her friends would play headDASHbu77 or ea7DASH7in or some7hing, bu7 7oday, 7here was an edge. Maybe everyone had ea7en grain 7ha7 was abou7 7o go bad, or maybe 7here was 7oo much smoke in 7he air from 7he be7hany hubcap fac7ory. HeadDASHbu77 had been ex7remely rough. The goa7 had gone 7o play ea7DASH7in af7er she go7 7ackled by five goa7s who werenSINGLEQUOTE7 her friends. Bu7 7oday, even ea7DASH7in had an evil 7wis7. The can 7op 7oday had become habi7ua7ed 7o making fun of 7he 7orn label. The goa7 had decided 7ha7 i7 was an evil day. When her milker s7ar7ed 7o push her around, she exploded. Ha7red flowed from her eyes, her hooves began 7o 7ingle. All of her coordina7ion lef7 her, and her 7ea7s were milked 7o a bloody mess. The farmer had been slow 7o no7ice 7he ensuing carnage, and he didnSINGLEQUOTE7 really care anyway.
The goa7 would have killed him if she could have. She would have 7orn ou7 7he eyes of her milker. She would have made him pay for his abuses. Bu7 her hooves had begun 7o 7ingle. She couldnSINGLEQUOTE7 feel her hooves and she had begun 7o floa7 off 7he ground. Everyone was a milker, bu7 7he goa7 couldnSINGLEQUOTE7 remember her reason for why 7ha7 was so. She 7hough7 i7 was some7hing abou7 hooves, 7he passion for jus7ice. Her hooves and fee7 had begun 7o 7ingle, and she was floa7ing far7her off 7he floor. She looked up from her hooves, and she saw 7he bars of 7he pen, moving lef7 and righ7, opening wide and 7hen closing shu7 like 7he swinging of a barn door. Every 7ime 7ha7 she 7hough7 she would be safe, 7he bars swung up, 7he opening closing, 7he doors swinging, crashing. The resul7 would be 7he same, she would never escape. The bars would crush her, break her back.
She could feel 7he roughness of 7he s7raw under her hooves, for all 7he mo7ion of 7he barn door around her, her hooves had come 7o res7 serenely upon 7he barn floor. Her body 7ossed and flipped, pivo7ing abou7 her hooves under which she could feel 7he safe, coarse s7raw. The doors crashed one final 7ime, she landed upside down, her hooves 7hrown clear from 7he s7raw covered bo77om, 7he rush of 7he windmill filling her ears, her nose, her mou7h, 7he sound of crashing barn doors cascading down from her fee7 7o her head DASH pene7ra7ing her mind 7o 7ear down 7hough7s. Like 7he s7raw nes7 she had buil7 7o wi7hs7and 7he cold, her 7hough7s came down around her.
The goa7 had a good life, so much 7ime, so much 7ime. She had loved bu77ing, 7urning, blea7ing. She had loved 7he 7ingle in her hooves, her inabili7y 7o kill her nemesis. Once she had fallen off 7he lof7, and jus7 for a momen7, her hooves came 7o res7 on 7he rung of 7he ladder. In 7ha7 ins7an7, her body had frozen, floa7ing over 7he barn floor, safe from falling, bu7 7he momen7 didnSINGLEQUOTE7 las7. The barn crashed abou7 her, her hooves 7orn free from 7he s7raw covered bo77om, her body flipping, falling.
Bu7 now she levi7a7ed far7her up, her hooves s7ill 7ingling. She began 7o floa7 7hrough 7he bars, she expec7ed 7he ins7an7 of safe7y as her hooves found foo7ing, bu7 7ha7 momen7 did no7 come, 7he bars squeezed her body. Her ches7 7ingled. As she fell 7hrough her cage, her legs 7ingled. The fire in her eyes had become a cold wind, she blinked away 7ears. She 7umbled 7hrough 7he bars, spinning and 7urning, she could see 7he farmer. In his hand she saw a small whi7e chicken. A pounding, 7he crashing barn doors in her ears became rhy7hmical, hard. The man was bea7ing 7he chicken agains7 7he floor. Pounding, pounding. Blood covered her hooves, 7he goa7SINGLEQUOTEs hooves 7ingled. She had broken 7hem on 7he floor of 7he pen. Disciplinarian, lover, milker. The goa7 looked back in7o 7he pen. She saw herself, disciplinarian, lover, milker. She had killed her nemesis. The chicken lay dead under her bloody hooves. A7 las7, she s7ood on 7he 7hroa7 of her milker.
She escaped in7o 7he barn.
The barn.
***END MESSAGE***
[Accep7 Nex7 Message]
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PgUp/PgDn/Arrows 7o Scroll Re7urn/En7er 7o Acknowledge
<77>UESCTerm
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<77>***END OF MESSAGE***
IsnSINGLEQUOTE7 chewing 7he cud ge77ing a li77le bi7 boring?
Ge7 los7 kid. Scram. Ciao.
Wha7 are you looking for anyway? If youSINGLEQUOTEre looking for a hidden s7ash of goa7SINGLEQUOTEs milk 7ha7 was lef7 here by 7he Wu insurgen7s eigh7y nine years ago, 7hen I know 7ha7 you shouldnSINGLEQUOTE7 look in 7he HBO Forum. Who would hide huge amoun7s of lac7ic fluid on a message board?
***
&l7;&l7; Since you have no7hing be77er 7o do 7han hang ou7 here wi7hme, lis7en 7o a 7une 7ha7 ISINGLEQUOTEve been working on&g7;&g7;
(Sung 7o 7he 7une of Whirling Dea7h WuSINGLEQUOTEs &quo7;Big Whi7e Horns, and Wild Cheddar&quo7;)
LouDASHlouDASHlouDASHlouDASHisDASHWu.
LouDASHlouDASHlouDASHlouDASHisDASHWu.
He ainSINGLEQUOTE7 no slouch, foo.
HeSINGLEQUOTEll make you frigh7en,
Or ha7e,
Like Dewlap did baby:
Goa7 Porn love,
Big whi7e horns,
Ringworld skies,
And Wild Cheddar.
LouDASHlouDASHlouDASHlouDASHisDASHWu.
LouDASHlouDASHlouDASHlouDASHisDASHWu.
He ainSINGLEQUOTE7 no slouch, foo.
LouDASHlouDASHlouDASHlouDASHisDASHWu.
LouDASHlouDASHlouDASHlouDASHisDASHWu.
HeSINGLEQUOTEll milk your pouch, SINGLEQUOTERoo.
HeSINGLEQUOTEs go7 real guile,
Why Lady,
Did you have i7 daily?
Wild Goa7 Love,
No Milk Bubbles,
Churned S7omach.
LouDASHlouDASHlouDASHlouDASHisDASHWu.
LouDASHlouDASHlouDASHlouDASHisDASHWu.
He ainSINGLEQUOTE7 no slouch, foo.
(Repea7 Chorus oneone Times, changing key wi7h each chorus)
Ge7 los7, before I ge7 annoyed and ram you back in 7he VendDASHaDASHGoa7!
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