So I was having cybersex the other day. It was pretty good I guess. Here it is:

• bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
• BritneySpears14: Aight.
• bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
• BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
• bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
• BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
• bloodninja: Me too baby.
• BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
• bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
• BritneySpears14: Hey...
• bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
• BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
• bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
• BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
• bloodninja: Don't f*ck with me bitch, I'm the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
• bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
• BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece of shit.
• bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
• bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil army of Robot Socialist Republics . The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
• bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
• bloodninja: Baby?

Yeah it was pretty sweet.

This one was good.

• bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
• j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
• bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
• j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
• j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
• bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
• j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
• j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
• bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
• j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
• bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
• j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
• bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
• bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
• j_gurli3: thats it.
• bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
• bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.

This kinda sucked.

• BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
• eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
• BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
• eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
• BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
• BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
• eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
• BritneySpears14: What the f*ck, I told you not to message me again.
• eminemBNJA: Oh shit
• BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you f*ck up.
• eminemBNJA: Oh shit
• eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something

Ew this chick was nasty. Yeeeeaah.

• bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
• Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables?
• bloodninja: What like gardening an shit?
• Katie_007: Yeah, something like that.
• bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out:
• bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
• (pause)
• Katie_007: is that it?
• bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
• bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
• Katie_007: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables... Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
• (pause)
• bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach... sexily.
• bloodninja: I ride your buttocks like they were amber waves of grains.
• Katie_007: Grain doesn't really turn me on... I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
• bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
• bloodninja: Damn baby you're right, this shit is HOTT.
• Katie_007: ...
• bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
• Katie_007: What the f*ck is this madlibs? I'm outta here.
• bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can't see. Bitch.
• Katie_007: whatever.