Works for Temperance

Good News for Overqualified Droolers!

I thought this letter was hilarious when I first read it over ~~ten~~ fifteen years ago. Turns out it has been with us for over 70 years! I still use it to dupe people from time to time. Unfortunately, someone received one of these letters and Googled it back to my site! To avoid this embarrassment in the future, I have embedded the letter in obfuscated JavaScript code. You can personalize this letter, of course.

REVEREND HIRAM OSSURAY
Chancel Opus Tabernacle
Post Office Box 1032
Franklin, TN 37027-1032

01/01/2008 John McVictim Clues 'Rn't Us 123 Laughingstock Road Noobville, XY 12345-6789 Mr. McVictim: Perhaps you have heard of me and my works on a nationwide basis in the cause of temperance. Each year for the past eight years I have made a tour of Alabama, Arkansas, Mississippi, and Tennessee delivering a series of lectures on the evils of alcohol, marijuana, and pre-marital sex. On these tours I have been accompanied by my faithful companion Chuck Cormen. Chuck was once a fine man of good character with excellent prospects until his life was destroyed by hard liquor, dope, and loose women. At each lecture, Chuck would sit near me in his rumpled linen suit staring impolitely at the audience through his rheumy, bloodshot eyes while drooling, farting, and furiously scratching his crotch, while I would cite him as an example of what befalls those who stray from God's sober path. In November, unfortunately, Chuck passed away. A mutual friend gave me your name and I wonder if you would be available to take Chuck's place for the remainder of my 2008 tour? Yours in Faith, Reverend Hiram Ossuray

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it pays the bills dept

here is something I hope is doing no evil.

could be worse dept

there could be more of them

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