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After studying the Books of Chilam Balam* written by a Jaguar priest of the ancient Maya, I have determined to use it as a guide when interviewing potential employees. Using the table below, candidates get 1 point per skill under the the Jaguar Priest column and 4 points per skill under the Web Engineer column.
| Jaguar Priest | Web Engineer | |||||
| 1. | |
To impersonate and invoke the deity. | |
To ape and impersonate the boss. | ||
| 2. | |
To offer food and drink to the idols. | |
To offer time sheets and budgets to the accountants. | ||
| 3. | |
To effect the drawing of the pebbles and regulate the calendar. | |
To effect the rolling of the dice to determine the alpha date. | ||
| 4. | |
To read weather and other omens in the clouds. | |
To forecast the tone of the day by the color of the boss' tie. | ||
| 5. | |
To study the night sky and interpret the appearance of the celestial bodies. | |
To look out the window and appreciate the appearance of the heavenly bodies. | ||
| 6. | |
To determine the lucky and unlucky days for various mundane activities by the casting of lots. | |
To determine the lucky and unlucky days for software installation by the flipping of a coin. | ||
| 7. | |
To perform the numerous rituals of the cup, plate, etc. | |
To perform the numerous rituals of the coffee cup, hard disk, etc. | ||
| 8. | |
To work miracles. | |
To work miracles. | ||
| 9. | |
To concoct medicinal herbs into ceremonial drinks. | |
To concoct roasted beans into acceptable coffee. | ||
| 10. | |
To predict the future. | |
To predict completion schedules. | ||
| 11. | |
To announce the times for various agricultural and other activities. | |
To announce the times for poker games and Quake deathmatches. | ||
| 12. | |
To insure adequate rainfall. | |
To insure adequate warning of the boss' presence. | ||
| 13. | |
To avert or bring to a timely end famine, drought, epidemics, plagues of ants and locusts, and earthquakes. | |
To avert or bring to a timely end slipping schedules, unrealistic completion dates, plagues of marketing personnel, and fried CPUs. | ||
| 14. | |
To distribute food to the hungry in time of need. | |
To distribute extra work in time of overload. | ||
| 15. | |
To cut the honey from the hives. | |
To cut the bugs from the code. | ||
| 16. | |
To determine the compensation to be placed on the crossroad altars. | |
To determine how big names will be in the credits. | ||
| 17. | |
To read from the sacred scriptures the future road of the katun [calendar round]. | |
To read from the industry magazines the companies who should receive resumes. | ||
| 18. | |
To design and supervise the carving of stelae [stone monuments], the manufacture of word and clay idols, and the construction of temples. | |
To design and supervise the dissemination of plausible denials, the manufacture of quick and easy excuses, and the construction of personal web pages. | ||
| 19. | |
To construct tables of eclipses and heliacal risings of planets. | |
To construct Gantt charts. |
1. Makemson, M.W. The Book of the Jaguar Priest, a translation of the Book of Chilam Balam of Tizimin, with commentary. Henry Schuman, New York, 1951, p. 141.
Contact: - (c)opyleft 1995-2009 Matthew Lewis Carroll Smith - Creative Commons Licensed