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Web Engineer Qualification Checklist

After studying the Books of Chilam Balam* written by a Jaguar priest of the ancient Maya, I have determined to use it as a guide when interviewing potential employees. Using the table below, candidates get 1 point per skill under the the Jaguar Priest column and 4 points per skill under the Web Engineer column.

Your Score is: Reset
Jaguar Priest Web Engineer
1. X To impersonate and invoke the deity. X To ape and impersonate the boss.
2. X To offer food and drink to the idols. X To offer time sheets and budgets to the accountants.
3. X To effect the drawing of the pebbles and regulate the calendar. X To effect the rolling of the dice to determine the alpha date.
4. X To read weather and other omens in the clouds. X To forecast the tone of the day by the color of the boss' tie.
5. X To study the night sky and interpret the appearance of the celestial bodies. X To look out the window and appreciate the appearance of the heavenly bodies.
6. X To determine the lucky and unlucky days for various mundane activities by the casting of lots. X To determine the lucky and unlucky days for software installation by the flipping of a coin.
7. X To perform the numerous rituals of the cup, plate, etc. X To perform the numerous rituals of the coffee cup, hard disk, etc.
8. X To work miracles. X To work miracles.
9. X To concoct medicinal herbs into ceremonial drinks. X To concoct roasted beans into acceptable coffee.
10. X To predict the future. X To predict completion schedules.
11. X To announce the times for various agricultural and other activities. X To announce the times for poker games and Quake deathmatches.
12. X To insure adequate rainfall. X To insure adequate warning of the boss' presence.
13. X To avert or bring to a timely end famine, drought, epidemics, plagues of ants and locusts, and earthquakes. X To avert or bring to a timely end slipping schedules, unrealistic completion dates, plagues of marketing personnel, and fried CPUs.
14. X To distribute food to the hungry in time of need. X To distribute extra work in time of overload.
15. X To cut the honey from the hives. X To cut the bugs from the code.
16. X To determine the compensation to be placed on the crossroad altars. X To determine how big names will be in the credits.
17. X To read from the sacred scriptures the future road of the katun [calendar round]. X To read from the industry magazines the companies who should receive resumes.
18. X To design and supervise the carving of stelae [stone monuments], the manufacture of word and clay idols, and the construction of temples. X To design and supervise the dissemination of plausible denials, the manufacture of quick and easy excuses, and the construction of personal web pages.
19. X To construct tables of eclipses and heliacal risings of planets. X To construct Gantt charts.

Reference

1. Makemson, M.W. The Book of the Jaguar Priest, a translation of the Book of Chilam Balam of Tizimin, with commentary. Henry Schuman, New York, 1951, p. 141.

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