Classical Jazz 2005: Home

Wombats!

A Wombat!Wombats are highly misunderstood creatures, who tend to shun the public spotlight. Though quite adept at public speaking, rarely are the Wombats approached for such duties, due to their reclusive nature, occasional ill-temper, and the side-effects of illegal genetic experiments.

Though they have a public reputation as vengeful psychopaths, as portrayed in the recent popular entertainment films Mortal Wombat, and the timeless classic WomBatman, their actual demeanor is quite pleasant so long as no mention of marsupial heritage is brought into the conversation.

4 legs

Wombats have the basic form...

Another Wombat!

...and usually come in 3 flavors: the common Wombat, the northern hairy-nosed Wombat, and the southern hairy-nosed Wombat.
1 mouth
2 ears
2 eyes
some fur
1 tail
vacant stare
no money
good spelling

DotComitas Wombat Control

When Wombats are spotted, we suggest you use any one of these tried-and-true Wombat disposal methods:

Wombat Drop

DotComitas Wombat Drop
DotComitas has a technique which allows users to send Wombats to a server. Wombats are placed in a mysterious file upload "black hole" and then never seen again. Ever. You can be happy and blameless because the price of installation includes out "no fault" guarantee: If your boss calls to complain about our system, we promise we will never blame it on you.
Wombat SnatchWombat Snatch

DotComitas Wombat Snatch
DotComitas has a system for snatching Wombats right off the desktop of the user. Thanks to the tremendous number of security holes in Mircosoft products, you will never be sure what exactly got snatched along with the Wombats. The previously lame excuse "it ate my file" takes on new and frightening dimensions.

Please note: DotComitas Wombat Snatch is in no way associated with AnimaPhile Wombat Snatch software.
Wombat Pixelator

DotComitas Wombat Pixelator
DotComitas has a disposal system called Wombat Pixelator. Ever been attacked by hundred of Wombats, only to be at a loss as to what to do with them? Well the Wombat Pixelator is the answer. Wombat Pixelator will take your Wombats and transmogrify them into something that should irritate almost anyone - regardless of nationality and religious background. Based on Virtual Rube Goldberg technology, you can be assured that your interactions with Wombats will be intense and dramatic.

Regardless of how you wish to dispose of your Wombats, we here at Rare Media Well Done feel obligated to point out that it is essential to...

Know Your Wombats!

References:

  1. The Australian Museum Complete Book of Australian Mammals - Ed. R. Strahan
  2. Australian Geographic, 30, June 1993.
  3. Personal experience

Some of the (relatively) normal sounding text and Wombat photographs © Robert Schrieber. For those of you who are interested in Wombats, Robert Schrieber's site is chock full of pithy and educated Wombat material.

 

 

 

 

 

it pays the bills dept

here is something I hope is doing no evil.

could be worse dept

there could be more of them