Classical Jazz 2005: Home

Mike & Chloe O'Hearn

Mike and I worked together at Quest Interactive Media. Chloe is also known as "Blebs."

Mike Joins QuestMike Joins Quest
Because Vaskin was the only one who knew the important things required to run an internet services agency, like writing code and keeping his paper clips in a box, he was quickly overloaded with work. So he asked his friend Mike to join Quest. Mike Agreed.

Mike was a typical generation Xer. He wore raggedly clothes and always looked spaced out. He drank coffee and smoked cigarettes and hung out with vegetarians.

But underneath Mike's grubby exterior some strange and bizarre lurked. Mike harbored a dream of being a body builder. His main fantasy was going to the beach, kicking sand in some guy's face, and stealing the girl.

Mike Meets ChloeMike Meets Chloe
While Mike was working on his body, he would hang out on the beach hoping he would have an opportunity to kick sand in some guy's face and steal the girl. One day Mike wasn't paying attention and a wispy young woman named Chloe began kicking sand in his face.

Mike discovered that he preferred submissive roles and asked her to marry him. She agreed.

When Chloe isn't kicking sand in Mike's face, she likes to traipse in wooded areas unescorted in order to lead innocent unsuspecting wolves to their death at "grandma's house."

Mike Gets Damn Hairy
In order to withstand the assault of Chloe's incredible femininity and raging sexuality, Mike did something that he had dreamed about all his life: he grew a beard. At first, his beard was nothing and he agonized daily over his peach fuzz. He was so embarrassed about the slow growth of his chin harz, he decided to seek advice from professionals. Mike had heard rumors that President Ronald Reagan in the 80s had created a special program for knowledgeable male beard experts to be easily available to most city-dwellers. The program was know as "de-institutionalization" and created a surfeit of beard experts collectively known as "the homeless."

After a quick consultation with "the homeless" and the exchange of a few quarters, Mike engaged in an obsessive program of "beard stroking." (Not to be confused with "hairy taco stuffing," "bearded clam grooming," or "straightening the lapels on the beaver.") Very soon Mike had grown a full, luxurious beard.

Click Here to Start Some Beard Stroking

Click Here to Stop Some Beard Stroking

Unfortunately, Mike's beard was an inadequate defense against Chloe's inexorable advances. To remedy the problem he implemented a plan that has worked for men for thousands of years: he married Chloe and got her pregnant.

It must have worked; they haven't had sex in years.

 

 

 

 

 

it pays the bills dept

here is something I hope is doing no evil.

could be worse dept

there could be more of them