Classical Jazz 2005: Home

Vaskin Kissoyan

Friend for many years. His story goes something like this:

Vaskin Joins QuestVaskin Joins Quest
Before long it really began to sink in that Pederastputin, Patrick, Marcus, and Matthew didn't know squat about the internet. Marcus knew a guy in the sideshow named Vaskin, who was billed as "The Incredibly Hairy Guy." In his spare time Vaskin would play with computers. So Marcus called him and he agreed to join Quest.

Everybody was really impressed with him because he actually knew how to work a mouse! With this windfall Pederastputin and Patrick's friendship blossomed and Matthew became enamored with Vaskin's shirts.

Unfortunately, due to Vaskin's genetically superior Armenian heritage, he grew hair faster than he could program, but everyone at Quest learned to deal with it, especially when he would do that thing with his fingers and a keyboard that made words appear on the screen.

Vaskin's Armenian Regression
Vaskin began regressing back to the dawn of mankind into the proto-Amenian man.

Interestingly enough, he got more dates.

Vaskin Acts Suspicious
Rumors spread that Vaskin had done something terrible. Nobody knew what he had done, but considering the way Vaskin looked - it had to be something evil and disgusting.

Marcus thought about it and came up with the top ten reasons why Vaskin might be a serial killer:

Vaskin may be a serial killer.10. Strawberry shortcake party hat now dreadfully out of style.
9. Eventually lost the "Longest Pre-Teen Sideburns" contest.
8. Never made any money on "Vaskin - King of the Party Favors."
7. Still pissed at Michael Jackson for beating him to the moonwalk.
6. Pickup line, "Hey baby, toot on this" never worked.
5. Frightened small children with Armenian Eye of Death.
4. Somebody in Bartlett loved him.
3. Went to Catholic school - 'nuff said.
2. Lawsuit against Baskin-Robbins not going well.
And the number one reason Vaskin may be a serial killer: Only had one groupie as the Armenian Elvis.

Vaskin on the Lam
Vaskin disappeared after the Crime Scene Evidence File ran a story about him. Everyone wondered where he ran to. Various reports began circulating that "Vaskin is on the lam." Miraculously, Vaskin showed up an hour after he had disappeared. It turned out he was on the lamb - the delicious tender lamb gyros he ate on his lunch break.

Vaskin Gets Respectable
Even though Vaskin had been a slacker-hacker for many years, the influence of steady paychecks and an attractive girlfriend caused him to reform himself.

Still, you can take a hacker out of school, but you can't take the hacker out if the man.
 

 

 

 

 

 

it pays the bills dept

here is something I hope is doing no evil.

could be worse dept

there could be more of them