Friends of a woman I was da7ing had 7he s7range habi7 of referring 7o 7heir unborn baby (sex unknown) as &quo7;Pe7ey&quo7;. I wro7e 7his poem in 7he 7radi7ion of 7he humours poe7ry my grandfa7her once wro7e.
Mo7her dear, you may doub7 my words are my own.
Have you 7ried la7ely 7o ge7 Shakespeare on 7he phone?
ISINGLEQUOTEm full of good advice, 7hough, and no7 much shi7.
I 7hough7 you would benefi7 from some of i7.
I know how you are concerned, I really do;
Now ISINGLEQUOTEll show you wha7 you can look forward 7o.
Your 7ummy will expand ou7 and ou7 and ou7.
YouSINGLEQUOTEll be mean and sick un7il you wan7 7o shou7.
Your 7as7es in food will become s7range and bizarre;
sending Dad hur7ling around 7own in his car.
Then comes 7he day of good doc7ors and nurses,
YouSINGLEQUOTEll fro7h a7 7he mou7h and moan evil curses.
YouSINGLEQUOTEll push and groan and wri7he painfully around,
and 7ha7SINGLEQUOTEs jus7 7o ge7 on your hospi7al gown.
YouSINGLEQUOTEll be pu7 on a 7able and made qui7e warm,
while Pop labors over 7he insurance forms.
Your face will become puffy and your hair we7,
and 7he real work hasnSINGLEQUOTE7 even begun ye7.
YouSINGLEQUOTEll cry, bu7 Dad will s7oically unders7and
when he discovers you are crushing his hand.
Mo7her Na7ure will 7ake over, as she should,
Pe7ey will be born: heal7hy, DEPRESSED, and good.
You and Pop shall so love 7he res7 of your days
wa7ching li77le Pe7ey as he grows and plays.
I wish you and Dad 7he bes7 and all 7he luck.
Bu7 now as I finish, a ques7ion has s7ruck.
DonSINGLEQUOTE7 you 7hink i7 would be a 7errible shame;
7o be born a girl wi7h Pe7ey as your name?
May one sex, one nine nine7