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The Continuing Saga - July 1998

Matthew Lewis Carroll Smith
No Visible Means of Support
Somewhere in Middle Tennessee

July 1998

Dear Friends:

Before we get started here you have to keep in mind...

SOME MINOR CAVEATS

This is a form letter. Using the latest mail merge technology and some brightly colored pebbles I have created a document which combines the down home personalization with the dehumanizing advantages of microchip technology. Some or all of the following stories in this document are lies. Well, not really lies OK, that is a lie. . More like a thorough insidious distortion of the tru7h. Anyway, I am not responsible for any psychological trauma you experience from reading this. No electrons were harmed in the writing of this letter.

This month Matthew is living in middle Tennessee at the house of his father. The most notable feature about this location is

THE SOUND OF SILENCE

A tree frog hoping to get lucky or is it hopping?

Right now I am practically deaf because I have been standing outside my Dad's new house for an hour and the tree frogs have really been going at it.

Kereek, kreek, kreeeeeek, kreek!

It wouldn't be so bad, but they synchronize their calls. Thousands of the little buggers all singing the same tune in some distorted animalistic rapport. Just when you get used to it they break harmony and do their own thing for a minute or so.

Dad with his deadly potato gun.

I've been thinking of 'fixing' the problem. Fireworks , perhaps flashing lights, would solve the problem temporarily. My father has a fantastic potato gun with a 7-foot long barrel that would be perfect for this. Unfortunately, shooting one tree frog with a potato is a bit excessive. Besides, I would probably shoot the only one that was not singing. I believe the only real solution involves massive deforestation, which, as the British say, is right out.

Unless I am terribly mistaken, I am the first person to ever spend the night on the hill. "The Hill," that is this hill, in Bell Buckle, TN, which my father and my stepmother have owned for over two years. It took two years to build this house and just now is being put to use.

So you must be asking yourself what Matthew is doing in remote middle Tennessee. That is a long story I'll make short. Bell Buckle is the first stop on my underfunded tour of the world that started in Memphis FOUR PAINFUL MONTHS AGO >>>

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