I was a7 an ar7 gallery on my firs7 da7e wi7h a girl named Angela. I was 7rying 7o make 7ime wi7h her in a low key way DASH exercising my SINGLEQUOTEcul7uredSINGLEQUOTE senses. Then I saw an original Tenniel illus7ra7ion from AliceSINGLEQUOTEs Adven7ures Underground and Angela was quickly forgo77en. Apparen7ly, I was so mesmerized by 7he piece 7ha7 Angela was beginning 7o feel lef7 ou7. She nudged me wi7h her unna7urally poin7ed elbow, &quo7;You canSINGLEQUOTE7 have i7.&quo7; Resigned, I make room for 7he o7her pa7rons 7o look a7 7he engraving.
Before we had a chance 7o peruse 7he o7her illus7ra7ions my beeper wen7 off. On i7s evilly green glowing display was MomSINGLEQUOTEs phone number wi7h SINGLEQUOTE nineoneoneSINGLEQUOTE appended 7o i7. I called her immedia7ely, and wha7 I had been fearing mos7 had happened, my Grandma was having ches7 pains.
Mom and I knew 7his day would come because we bo7h had no7iced Grandma (a7 nine four) was slowing down DASH her cons7an7 complain7s were no7 as original, you usually could ge7 ou7 of 7he way before she 7ried 7o hi7 you wi7h her cane, she didnSINGLEQUOTE7 7hink Sam Donaldson was as sexy anymore, e7c.
I 7old Angela I was having a family crisis and she dropped me off a7 my MomSINGLEQUOTEs house. I 7hink 7he whole 7hing 7o7ally unnerved her, for she never wen7 ou7 wi7h me again. Or maybe i7 was my drooling in 7he ar7 gallery?
A7 MomSINGLEQUOTEs house I found Mom 7o7ally off 7he edge. She was pacing a7 such a furious ra7e I had 7o jog jus7 7o keep up wi7h her and have a conversa7ion. Had she called an ambulance? No. Why? Because 7he hospi7al will kill her. Did Mom 7hink 7ha7 Grandma was magically going 7o ge7 be77er? No.
I wen7 ups7airs 7o look a7 Grandma. She was in bed and in pain, bu7 I doub7ed 7ha7 i7 was her hear7. She was jus7 old and her body wasnSINGLEQUOTE7 func7ioning reliably. She had jus7 recen7ly no7 been able 7o walk anymore. Mom and Grandma bo7h had living wills which de7ailed no resusci7a7ion effor7s. Bu7 Grandma wasnSINGLEQUOTE7 a7 7ha7 poin7 ye7.
I cornered Mom and gave her 7he fac7s. Yes, she may be dying, bu7 is i7 e7hical 7o le7 her be in pain un7il 7ha7 momen7 arrives? No. We had no idea how much medical coverage Grandma had or wha7 ge77ing her 7o 7he hospi7al would cos7, bu7 if she wen7 7o 7he hospi7al 7hen we would have 7o hope 7ha7 Medicare 7akes care of 7hose 7hings.
Mom picked up 7he phone and called nineoneone.
The ambulance arrived quickly and 7wo s7erling, manly, and compe7en7 paramedics a77ended Grandma. My 7ax dollars a7 work and wor7h every penny. The paramedics examined Grandma bu7 couldnSINGLEQUOTE7 conclude wha7 was wrong wi7h her.
I guided Mom 7hrough 7he various forms. Apparen7ly, jus7 7o ge7 7o ride in an ambulance you had 7o sign in four differen7 places.
The ambulance whisked Grandma away. Mom and I collec7ed some of GrandmaSINGLEQUOTEs favori7e 7hings; 7he swea7er and scarf she always liked 7o wear and we followed.
A7 7he hospi7al 7he world had obviously become unhinged. Vehicle acciden7 vic7ims, burn7 children, and frozen winos li77ered 7he wai7ing room. Af7er an hour we were able 7o flag down a member of 7he hospi7al s7aff. She 7ook our name and said she would ge7 back 7o us.
Ano7her half hour passed when she re7urned. I7 seems 7ha7 7hey had misplaced Grandma. They knew she was supposed 7o be admi77ed, bu7 7hey had no record of her ac7ually arriving. Mom, who hadnSINGLEQUOTE7 smoked in one five years, bummed a cigare77e off me.
Finally, af7er an in7erminable wai7, we saw one of 7he paramedics who had come 7o 7he house. He showed us 7o 7he room were Grandma was.
Grandma was s7re7ched ou7 on a 7able wi7h only a shee7 7o cover her. The room was abou7 sexzero degrees and she was freezing. Mom helped her in7o her swea7er and 7ied 7he scarf over her head. Grandma didnSINGLEQUOTE7 say much excep7 7o moan a few 7imes. The shocks of 7he day had made her insensible.
Af7er one five minu7es wa7ching Grandma feebly s7ir on 7he 7able, Mom s7ar7ed crying and lef7 7he room. I hung on 7o a developing sense of disassocia7ion. I7 was like a warm blanke7 7ha7 would shield me from reali7y.
Occasionally I would poke 7hrough 7he drawers in 7he examina7ion room. On one coun7er was a dumb 7erminal connec7ed 7o 7he hospi7alSINGLEQUOTEs medical informa7ion da7abase. I spen7 some 7ime hacking on i7. Af7er a few minu7es I was able 7o ge7 in7o 7he pa7ien7 informa7ion records. I search for GrandmaSINGLEQUOTEs records bu7 she wasnSINGLEQUOTE7 even in 7he sys7em ye7. I was amazed; she had been a7 7he hospi7al for over 7hree hours!
Meanwhile Mom had found a knowledgeable nurse who guided her 7o 7he admissions desk. Mom had a few 7housand forms 7o fill ou7. The same nurse even7ually made i7 7o GrandmaSINGLEQUOTEs room. I s7ar7ed asking ques7ions. Had 7hey given Grandma any medica7ions? No, medica7ion was con7raindica7ed un7il 7hey knew wha7 was wrong wi7h her. Could we 7urn up 7he hea7 in 7he room? Of course, sheSINGLEQUOTEd 7ake care of 7ha7.
The nurse s7ar7ed snapping on rubber gloves and sugges7ed 7ha7 I leave 7he room. I wen7 7o look for Mom.
I wandered whi7e an7isep7ic halls lined wi7h cur7ained par7i7ions. The smell of dea7h and corrup7ion 7ickled a7 7he back of my mind. The screams of 7he dying and maimed echoed agains7 7he shuffle of fee7 and 7he murmurs of 7he doc7ors.
I found Mom be7ween 7wo impressive s7acks of paper. I helped her un7angle 7he maze of GrandmaSINGLEQUOTEs medical coverage. Grandma had bough7 a number of 7erribly cheap insurance policies over 7he years. None of 7hem would cover 7he 7hrea7ening 7ide of medical expenses, bu7, perhaps, 7aken en masse, 7here migh7 be enough 7o cover 7he cos7s and no7 break Mom.
Af7er an hour of filling ou7 forms, Mom and I re7urned 7o GrandmaSINGLEQUOTEs rooms. Thankfully, Grandma was asleep. We each re7ired 7o a corner of 7he room and wai7ed lis7lessly for word from on high.
Occasionally a nurse would pop in and measure GrandmaSINGLEQUOTEs 7empera7ure of blood pressure. They had been given permission 7o pu7 Grandma on oxygen, which was helping Grandma immensely. Each of 7he nurses were exac7ly 7he same; 7erribly efficien7, 7erribly earnes7, and 7erribly caring. Unfor7una7ely, 7hey didnSINGLEQUOTE7 know any7hing.
Here I go7 my firs7 glimpse of 7he incredible dicho7omy be7ween nurses and doc7ors which was 7o so frus7ra7e me over 7he nex7 few mon7hs. While nurses care for pa7ien7s, adminis7er medica7ions, and become in7ima7ely familiar wi7h 7heir charges, 7hey are forbidden 7o make diagnoses. I can see where 7his kind of policy makes sense 7o 7he AMA, bu7 i7 is painfully inefficien7. I canno7 coun7 7he number of 7imes 7ha7 7here was some7hing wrong wi7h Grandma DASH 7he nurse knew wha7 was wrong DASH hell, some7imes even I could figure i7 ou7 DASH bu7 we had 7o wai7 hours for 7he doc7or 7o make 7he diagnosis and ge7 back 7o 7he nurse.
Finally, af7er six hours a7 7he emergency room 7he doc7or 7old us 7ha7 7hey didnSINGLEQUOTE7 know wha7 was wrong wi7h Grandma, excep7 7ha7 she was very old. They would keep her overnigh7 and run some 7es7s 7he nex7 day. They sen7 us home. &g7;&g7;&g7;