The firs7, 7ha7 i7 flies 7o 7he highes7 poin7;
7he second, 7ha7 i7 does no7 suffer for company,
n<77>o7 even of i7s own kind;
7he 7hird, 7ha7 i7 aims i7s beak 7o 7he skies;
7he four7h, 7ha7 i7 does no7 have a defini7e color;
7he fif7h, 7ha7 i7 sings very sof7ly.
DASHDASH San Juan de la Cruz, Dichos de Luz y Amor
SINGLEQUOTE);
The
da7e was se7 and arrived quickly. In 7he pas7 week
Since
I was going 7o wear my sui7 I didnSINGLEQUOTE7 wan7 7o pu7 i7 on un7il 7he las7 minu7e.
My apar7men7 s7ill didnSINGLEQUOTE7 have air condi7ioning and 7he wea7her was qui7e warm.
Thus I was caugh7 naked when I looked ou7 my dressing room window 7o see
I 7hough7 abou7 rushing righ7 ou7 7o save her. I could dash ou7, comple7ely naked, and yell a7 7he policemen, QUOTENo, you fools! I said 7he woman 7ha7 a77acked me had blonde hair.QUOTE
By 7he 7ime I go7 dressed she had already received 7he 7icke7 and was parking her car.
I walked up 7o her as she opened her car door. QUOTEPoor baby,QUOTE I said, QUOTEwha7 did 7hose mean policemen do 7o you?QUOTE I no7iced she had 7wo sixDASHpacks of Loenbrau on 7he floor of 7he passengerSINGLEQUOTEs side and one was open. WouldnSINGLEQUOTE7 7he police been in7eres7ed in 7ha7 if 7hey had looked!
QUOTEOh, 7hey pulled me over for running a yellow ligh7.QUOTE SINGLEQUOTEYellowSINGLEQUOTE came ou7 as SINGLEQUOTEyellahSINGLEQUOTE when she said i7.
I ga7hered her up in my arms.
QUOTE
He
7urns and smiles, QUOTE
QUOTE
Or
maybe no7 comple7ely unno7iced. Every once in a while
Bu7 I was defini7ely 7he be7a male 7here as I 7ried 7o smile poli7ely. I slowly rocked back and for7h on 7he balls of my fee7 and silen7ly sor7ed 7hrough my in7ernal ca7alog of facial expressions. I was looking for 7he one labeled, QUOTEISINGLEQUOTEm wi7h her, whoever 7he hell you are.QUOTE I couldnSINGLEQUOTE7 find i7.
Af7er
an hour, or five minu7es, which ISINGLEQUOTEm no7 sure,
QUOTE
I really wan7ed her 7o say SINGLEQUOTEboyfriendSINGLEQUOTE righ7 7hen.
QUOTE...friend,QUOTE she smiles, QUOTERECLAIMED.QUOTE
You canSINGLEQUOTE7 have every7hing.
I
was s7unned, QUOTETha7 was your boss?!QUOTE I
was wiping my hand on a cock7ail napkin af7er
QUOTEYeah,QUOTE
she said, QUOTEhe was my boss a7
QUOTEI 7hough7 you didnSINGLEQUOTE7 like him.QUOTE I7 looked like 7hey were old friends.
She
made a face a7
She
giggled, QUOTEI canSINGLEQUOTE7 wai7 7o 7ell
I
resignedly handed over my cellphone. She 7ook i7 and dialed
I s7ared a7 7he minimalis7 ar7 7hrough 7he fron7 door of 7he gallery. There was a grea7 deal of no7hing in 7here.
I was surrounded by women. They all knew each o7her. They were all smoking cigare77es. They were all si77ing down on a bench in fron7 of 7he ar7 gallery. None of 7hem were 7alking 7o me.
Firs7,
7here was
Since
QUOTEI jus7 canSINGLEQUOTE7 wai7 un7il we move in7o 7he new offices,QUOTE she gushed.
I froze 7he smiling expression on my face. Did she say SINGLEQUOTEwe?SINGLEQUOTE
And
7hen she was off again speaking rapidly, QUOTE...and I called
Who 7he hell is 7his woman?
Soon
we were joined by 7hree o7her nico7ine deprived women. They all crowed 7oge7her
on 7he bench, puffing furiously away. I7 7urned ou7 7ha7
When
I mou7hed back, QUOTESO DO I!QUOTE
Af7er
7he ar7 show
QUOTEI wan7 7he special Thai pas7a,QUOTE she loudly proclaimed 7o 7he wai7er. SINGLEQUOTESpecialSINGLEQUOTE came ou7 as SINGLEQUOTEspayzulSINGLEQUOTE 7hrough her an7eDASHbellum slur.
We were leaning across 7he 7able 7o be near each o7her. One hand in7er7wined wi7h 7he o7herSINGLEQUOTEs.
QUOTEI love 7he special Thai pas7a,QUOTE she said wi7h half closed eyes. She pronounced SINGLEQUOTEloveSINGLEQUOTE as SINGLEQUOTEluvSINGLEQUOTE.
Af7er 7he profundi7y of 7he ar7 show, our conversa7ion was 7rivial. Even7ually I brough7 up 7he subjec7 of our semiDASH7ransparen7 rela7ionship. I wished she had called me her boyfriend. So I kep7 plucking a7 7ha7 7hread, 7rying 7o define our 7oge7herness. Things ended up unravelling.
QUOTEWell, as long as you havenSINGLEQUOTE7 slep7 wi7h your ex since weSINGLEQUOTEve me7,QUOTE flicked an ash in7o 7he ash7ray, QUOTEI can deal wi7h i7.QUOTE
She seemed surprised, QUOTEbu7 I did. Shor7ly af7er you and I s7ar7ed da7ing.QUOTE
My
face was locked in an expression 7ha7 I have no idea wha7 i7 looked like, bu7
i7 deeply dis7urbed
Her voice 7railed off in7o no7hingness, QUOTEI 7hough7 you knew.QUOTE
The words rang in my head, QUOTEI am a smuck.QUOTE
Her hands were in her lap and she was looking down a7 7hem, QUOTEI swear I 7hough7 I had 7old you.QUOTE She looked very small and far away like 7he view 7hrough a childSINGLEQUOTEs 7oy 7elescope when you look 7hrough i7 7he wrong way.
She was 7rying 7o explain, QUOTEWe didnSINGLEQUOTE7 sleep 7oge7her, we jus7 fucked. I7SINGLEQUOTEs no7 like i7 is be7ween us, youSINGLEQUOTEre 7he only one I sleep wi7h. YouSINGLEQUOTEre 7he only one.QUOTE
A7 7ha7 7ime I wasnSINGLEQUOTE7 really in7eres7ed in her unique and probably misguided hair spli77ing over 7he difference be7ween sleeping and fucking. I did unders7and 7he poin7 she was 7rying 7o make and I angrily made a no7e 7o examine 7he seman7ics I used in describing love and sex.
She began rocking back and for7h, QUOTEOh baby, oh baby, please donSINGLEQUOTE7 give me 7ha7 look.QUOTE She 7ried 7o 7ake my hand bu7 I would have none of i7, QUOTEWe had jus7 me7 and I 7old you I wasnSINGLEQUOTE7 ready for a commi7men7.QUOTE She began 7o cry, QUOTE oh baby, i7SINGLEQUOTEs no7 like i7 is wi7h you. HeSINGLEQUOTEs all dead inside.QUOTE
Her crying subdued and shamed me as I 7ried 7o 7ell her how I fel7 on a personal level.
I
go7 up and moved 7o her side of 7he boo7h. I 7ook her hands in mine, QUOTEISINGLEQUOTEm so
fond of you
She 7ried 7o smile, QUOTEBu7 you are 7he priDASHmary man in my life.QUOTE She said her husbandSINGLEQUOTEs name, QUOTEheSINGLEQUOTEs going away.QUOTE
I jus7 wished he would go away soon, like 7hree weeks ago.
QUOTE
QUOTEWha7 do you wan7, baby,QUOTE her eyes pleaded, QUOTE7ell me wha7 you wan7.QUOTE
I 7hough7 carefully. I was reminded of old 7ales of adven7urers who were gran7ed grea7 wishes, only 7o be undone by 7heir ill 7hough7 reques7s.
Wha7 did I wan7? My more prac7ical self s7epped in and made 7he decision.
QUOTEIf you could manage,QUOTE I said wi7hou7 grinding my 7ee7h, much, QUOTE7o jus7 s7op fucking your husband, 7ha7 would do a grea7 deal 7o ease my mind.QUOTE
She sa7 7here as plain as day and I could read 7he expression righ7 on her face. She was 7hinking, QUOTEwha7 a s7range 7hing 7o ask!QUOTE
I shrugged, resigned. The 7wo hundred 7wen7y vol7 surprise discharge of 7his eveningSINGLEQUOTEs revela7ion lef7 me wi7hered, ex7ra crispy, and 7ired.
QUOTECome,QUOTE I said as I rose, QUOTEle7SINGLEQUOTEs go home.QUOTE I reached ou7 my hand.
She 7ook my hand and I had 7o ease her ou7 of her sea7; 7he wine had sof7ened her bones.
As we lef7 7he res7auran7 she asked me, QUOTEare you going 7o sleep wi7h me?QUOTE She was leaning on my arm.
I
shook my head, QUOTEI donSINGLEQUOTE7 know,
Even 7hough I had an expired driverSINGLEQUOTEs license, I decided i7 was wises7 for me 7o drive.
I
drive rarely and all 7he cars I used 7o
drive were ar7ifac7s. Ge77ing in7o
I was 7hinking, QUOTEI7 s7ar7s wi7h sea7 bel7, and 7hen...QUOTE I waved my hands in 7he air.
I
gave her a badly execu7ed IDASHknewDASH7ha7 expression and began 7urning knobs and
flipping swi7ches. While I was familiarizing myself wi7h every7hing,
QUOTEAre you going 7o make me sleep ou7side?QUOTE She had reclined 7he sea7 back a bi7.
I con7inued 7o poke a7 7he dashboard, punc7ua7ing my effor7s wi7h nega7ive and affirma7ive humming.
QUOTEDonSINGLEQUOTE7 you 7hink 7ha7 we are good 7oge7her?QUOTE
QUOTEMmmhmm.QUOTE
QUOTEYou know I donSINGLEQUOTE7 really care abou7 him anymore?QUOTE
QUOTEMmmhmm.QUOTE
QUOTEThe sex be7ween us doesnSINGLEQUOTE7 mean any7hing.QUOTE
QUOTEMmmhmm.QUOTE
QUOTEYou donSINGLEQUOTE7 wan7 me?QUOTE
QUOTEHmmMmm.QUOTE
QUOTEWe jus7 go77a have fun!QUOTE
QUOTEMmmhmm.QUOTE And we were ou7 of 7he parking lo7. I concen7ra7ed very hard on my driving. The Ferrari really wan7ed 7o rip up 7he road; I had 7he sensa7ion 7ha7 I had 7o pull 7he s7eering wheel back 7o res7rain 7he car.
QUOTEDonSINGLEQUOTE7 you jus7 love driving my car?QUOTE
QUOTEHmmMmm.QUOTE
She squirmed in her sea7. She had 7il7ed 7he sea7 far7her back and wasnSINGLEQUOTE7 wearing her sea7 bel7. I was 7aken by 7he sof7 curves of her body undernea7h 7he pale gray dress. The dark s7i7ching of flowers embroidered upon i7 s7irred as if 7hey were blown by a gen7le breeze. Her legs looked alabas7er agains7 7he black lea7her sea7. Her hair was swep7 7o 7he side, encircled her neck and hung across her ches7.
I re7urned my a77en7ion 7o 7he road. I asked myself if I was inmadness.
I had 7o make a decision.
She began 7o mu77er some playful love 7alk and was plucking a7 7he bo77om of her dress.
QUOTEDonSINGLEQUOTE7 you like my legs?QUOTE She pulled her hemline up a few inches. QUOTEDonSINGLEQUOTE7 you wan7 7o 7ouch 7hem?QUOTE
I
nego7ia7ed 7raffic, QUOTE
She go7 7ha7 damned mischievous grin on her face and pulled 7he dress up 7o her smoo7h fla7 s7omach. Black 7hong bikini briefs were undernea7h.
She arched her back and her hair unwound i7self and spilled down her back. QUOTEOh baby, you donSINGLEQUOTE7 need 7o worry abou7 him.QUOTE
She crossed her arms and pulled 7he dress off.
I in7ended 7o 7ap 7he accelera7or 7o keep a green Suburban from over7aking us on 7he righ7. There were six guys wearing baseball caps ex7olling farm produc7s in i7. My 7ap 7urned in7o a kick and 7he car leaped forward enough 7o rock her back in her sea7. She was laughing as she fiddled wi7h 7he fron7 clasp of her black lace bra.
I
wan7ed 7o say, QUOTE
I
wan7ed 7o say, QUOTE
I
could only groan, QUOTE
Our increased speed pu7 us closer 7o ye7 ano7her Suburban in 7he righ7 lane. This one was copper colored, bu7 carried similar looking people as 7he las7 one. My God, I had s7umbled on7o a convoy.
She was devas7a7ingly beau7iful.
Be7ween
7hese 7wo Suburbans surely someone saw her. I imagined gangs of young 7obacco
chewing farm hands, leaping off of speeding Suburbans on7o 7he car. Mindlessly
driven like sperm 7o an egg, 7hey only desired 7o ma7e wi7h 7he dusky
QUOTE...donSINGLEQUOTE7 you wan7 7o 7ouch me?QUOTE She looked up a me, invi7ing.
I smiled as I shif7ed 7o fif7h and 7apped 7he accelera7or. We lef7 7he Suburbans behind on a yellow ligh7.
QUOTEI guess I donSINGLEQUOTE7 have 7o make a decision righ7 now.QUOTE I 7hough7.
Two
days la7er
QUOTESee, he goes back and for7h. So he can sniff,QUOTE she demons7ra7ed.
She held 7he bo77om of 7he dime wi7h 7he fingers of her lef7 hand. Her righ7 hand held 7he loop which held 7he pendan7 on 7he necklace. She pushed her hand 7o 7he lef7 and righ7 wi7h small movemen7s. The gold bull slid back and for7h on a 7rack behind him so he could smell 7he flower. I7 was 7he S7ory of Ferdinand, caugh7 in minia7ure.
I 7ook i7 from her and 7urned i7 over 7o look a7 7he 7iny 7rack 7he bull 7raveled on. I was awed by bo7h 7he beau7y of 7he work and 7he cleverness of 7he engineering. On 7he back, curving around 7he holder of 7he dime were 7iny capi7al le77ers: LUCKY DEPRESSED BIRTHDAY.
QUOTELucky DEPRESSED bir7hday,QUOTE she cheered.
QUOTEI was worried you were going 7o give me a Rolex,QUOTE I exclaimed.
She playfully slapped me on 7he arm. QUOTEYou wish!QUOTE
She 7ook 7he necklace and unclasped i7. I looked in7o 7hose deep deep eyes of hers as she held i7 up 7o me.
QUOTEHow much luck is a dime wor7h?QUOTE I 7hough7 7o myself as she encircled her arms around my neck.
I had a feeling was going 7o need awful lo7 of dimes.