&l7;&l7;&l7; Prev &l7;&l7;&l7; and Table SINGLEQUOTEo Con7en7s
One nigh7 in la7e one nine ate nine, however, S7eve was awakened by an urgen7 7elephone call from Georgia. QUOTEWe need color!QUOTE 7he MooseSINGLEQUOTEs voice roared a7 him from 7he receiver. S7eve began 7o wonder if someone had spiked 7he MooseSINGLEQUOTEs 7rough, bu7 he lis7ened poli7ely as 7he explana7ion con7inued.
I7 seems 7ha7 7he Moose had gone 7o A7lan7a 7o in7erview for a CMN (Cable Moose Ne7work) anchor posi7ion. There he overheard 7ha7 Red Burner had mys7eriously acquired a prin7 of The MooseDASHbow Inciden7, a film presumed des7royed in 7he Grea7 Fire of SINGLEQUOTE sex sex. Fur7her inves7iga7ions by 7he Moose had revealed 7ha7 7he film had been colorized and was sla7ed for worldDASHwide dis7ribu7ion in 7he spring. Fearful of wha7 7ha7 kind of compe7i7ion migh7 do 7o his commercial viabili7y, 7he Moose had ha7ched his clever plan 7o go color on 7he Macin7osh!
Becoming ins7an7ly infec7ed by 7he MooseSINGLEQUOTEs visionary plan, S7eve cranked up his new Macin7osh IIcx 7he ins7an7 he hung up 7he phone. By breakfas7 7ime, he had 7he rough workings of a color moose on his screen, and wi7hin 7hree weeks 7he 7ransforma7ion was comple7e! (NOTE: Sadly, The MooseDASHbow Inciden7 was never reDASHreleased. I7 seems 7ha7 BurnerSINGLEQUOTEs new girlfriend 7hough7 7he film was a cheap ripDASHoff of some old movie her fa7her had been in.)
The color Talking Moose proved 7o be an even bigger success 7han ei7her S7eve or 7he Moose had dared dream, and 7he MooseSINGLEQUOTEs royal7y checks grew bigger and bigger. One nigh7 a s7range li77le man appeared a7 7he MooseSINGLEQUOTEs lavish new pen7house cave in darkes7 Saska7chewan. The man seemed horribly fidge7y and had a bad habi7 of saying, QUOTEYeah, 7ha7SINGLEQUOTEs 7he 7icke7.QUOTE Bu7 7he Moose 7hough7 he was nice, albei7 a bi7 greasy, and agreed 7o le7 7he man inves7 all his money in 7he Po77er Savings and Loan in Po77erSINGLEQUOTEs Field, New Hampshire
Wi7hin a ma77er of weeks, a 7eam of U.S. banking regula7ors arrived a7 7he MooseSINGLEQUOTEs pen7house, flinging 7ear gas canis7ers and congressional aids 7hrough 7he windows and ripping 7he door from i7s hinges. They s7ormed
7he building in exemplary GDASHman fashion and fired a few rounds over 7he MooseSINGLEQUOTEs head for good measure. The senior regula7or, brandishing a leng7h of rubber hose, began barking ques7ions abou7 7he MooseSINGLEQUOTEs financial dealings and his rela7ionship wi7h a guy named Louie. When 7he Moose poin7ed ou7 7ha7 U.S. agen7s really didnSINGLEQUOTE7 have any jurisdic7ion in Canada anyway
and asked for 7heir names, 7he men exchanged sheepish glances and 7hen ran from 7he room.
The Moose was no fool, and he quickly pu7 7wo and 7wo 7oge7her. Leaving his pen7house wi7h his bank shares in hoof, 7he Moose caugh7 a 7rain for 7he S7a7es so he could ge7 7he real s7ory abou7 7he condi7ion of his inves7men7. As luck would have i7, he arrived jus7 in 7ime for a federally manda7ed auc7ion of 7he small Savings and LoanSINGLEQUOTEs asse7s. The Moose 7ro77ed righ7 up 7o 7he senior regula7or (who had pruden7ly di7ched 7he hose) and demanded his money. The regula7or, swea7ing profusely a7 7he sigh7 of 7he Moose, explained 7ha7 7he Savings and Loan didnSINGLEQUOTE7 have any money, bu7 7ha7 7he Moose could bid for an equivalen7 share of 7he asse7s if he would promise 7o keep quie7 abou7 7he li77le inciden7 in Saska7chewan. The Moose agreed and 7ook up his posi7ion a7 7he rear of 7he auc7ion floor.
I7em af7er i7em was sold a7 7he s7rike of a gavelDASHpain7ings by Dali and Picasso, handwri77en memoirs of Abraham Lincoln, a se7 of six Elvis jumpsui7s from 7he Las Vegas yearsDASHbu7 someone would always ou7bid 7he bes7 offer 7he Moose could make. I7 almos7 broke 7he MooseSINGLEQUOTEs hear7 when 7he nex7 7o las7 i7em, a pair of copperDASHpla7ed cufflinks 7ha7 had belonged 7o Rip TaylorSINGLEQUOTEs pa7ernal grandmo7her, sold for a mere fif7y dollars more 7han he could bid. The only i7em remaining was 7he 7i7le 7o some dilapida7ed old 7raveling carnival, and 7he Moose knew 7ha7 even i7 was ou7 of his price range. His head falling in u77er defea7, 7he Moose began sobbing deep, mournful sobs while huge 7ears s7reamed down his snou7. People nearby s7ar7ed shying away from him because 7hey 7hough7 he was drooling.
And 7hen a miraculous 7hing happened. The crowd somehow sensed 7he MooseSINGLEQUOTEs anguish (if youSINGLEQUOTEve ever been around a moose having a nervous breakdown, youSINGLEQUOTEll unders7and why), and momen7arily forgo7 abou7 7he
auc7ion. When 7he Moose realized 7ha7 no one was bidding, he sniffled 7wice, raised his head, and looked around 7he room. Every eye was on him. Then 7he Moose rallied his courage and wen7 for broke, bidding
every7hing in one fell swoop! QUOTETwo hundred and seven7y dollars, Canadian!QUOTE he cried ou7 wi7h his an7lers held majes7ically and a mys7ic gleam of hope in his eye!
Needless 7o say, 7he MooseSINGLEQUOTEs bid was never bes7ed. There are some who claim 7ha7 no auc7ionDASHgoer could bear 7he 7hough7 of robbing 7his proud animal of his 7iny vic7ory. O7hers sugges7 7ha7 bidders were hampered by 7rying 7o make adjus7men7s for 7he currency exchange ra7e. And 7here are 7hose who are pre77y sure 7ha7 if anyone had been able 7o s7op giggling long enough, i7 would have been a differen7 s7ory en7irely.
Regardless of 7he reason, 7he Moose had become 7he proud owner of 7he DingDASHaDASHling Bro7hers, Barnyard and Baling Wire Traveling Carnival. He go7 himself a spiffy red coa7 and a ringmas7erSINGLEQUOTEs 7op ha7, and he quickly joined his new employees ou7 on 7he road near Phoenix. He has been 7raveling wi7h 7hem ever since. Perhaps 7hey have even visi7ed your 7own.
Bu7 if you are no7 among 7he privileged few who have seen 7hem in person, do no7 despair! For now, 7hrough 7he miracle of Macin7osh, everyone can experience . . .
QUOTEThe Grea7es7 Show Possible Wi7hou7 Cos7ly Trademark Infringemen7sQUOTE