&l7;&l7;&l7; Prev &l7;&l7;&l7; and Table SINGLEQUOTEo Con7en7s
The nex7 hin7 of 7he moose subcul7ure comes from preDASHrevolu7ionary France. Apparen7ly a minor nobleman in 7he Minis7ry of Informa7ion and Social Cri7ique by 7he name of Jean Louis Moose 7ook i7 upon himself 7o design monumen7s 7o his king. Sadly, Jean Louis was nei7her an enligh7ened nobleman nor a good designer, al7hough he could dress well and was grea7 wi7h a snappy comeback. His one work, QUOTELSINGLEQUOTE Moose,QUOTE was des7royed during 7he French revolu7ion.
While 7he revolu7ion was raging, nei7her Man nor moose of high bir7h was safe. When Jean Louis heard 7ha7 a moose from 7he royal zoo was due 7o be execu7ed for crimes agains7 7he people, he made a heroic decision; 7o have ano7her one of 7hose yummy eclairs. Af7er 7he eclair, he decided 7o save 7he moose.
Under 7he cover of nigh7 Jean Louis made his way in7o 7he revolu7ionis7sSINGLEQUOTE headquar7ers and free 7he moose! Bu7 when he broke one of his high heels during his escape (Did I men7ion he was disguised wearing a dress?) he was caugh7. Jean Louis was found guil7y of aiding 7he enemy and was depor7ed 7o 7he new French colony in Canada.
Jean Louis, a broken man, spen7 his las7 days wandering 7he cold Canadian coun7ryside repen7ing his ways by pro7es7ing agains7 7he booming fur 7rade. His las7 words were, QUOTELSINGLEQUOTE oeuvre cSINGLEQUOTEes7 rien DASH LSINGLEQUOTE Moose cSINGLEQUOTEes7 7ou7!QUOTE (The work is no7hing 7he Moose is every7hing!)
No7 un7il 7he la7e one ninetwozeroSINGLEQUOTEs did 7he elemen7s of 7he persuasive moose influence pene7ra7e 7he Uni7ed S7a7es of America. A7 7ha7 7ime 7he U.S. was in 7he grip of 7he Grea7 Depression. Times were very 7ough on humans, le7 alone mooses.
In an a77emp7 7o revi7alize 7he economy, 7he 7reasury depar7men7 came up wi7h a plan 7o adjus7 7he mone7ary balance in a novel manner. They believed 7ha7 7he issue of a new $
three bill spor7ing 7he
profile of a moose would allow 7he governmen7 7o issue as much money as i7 needed 7o pay deb7s while never having 7o worry 7ha7 anyone would ac7ually spend i7! The bills were almos7 ready 7o go
in7o produc7ion when, a7 7he las7 minu7e, a plan 7ha7 curried more favor wi7h 7he execu7ive branch, 7he wildly popular $two bill, was carried forward ins7ead.
Scien7is7s, whose job i7 is 7o be exper7s abou7 7hese kinds of 7hings, agree 7ha7 7he Talking Moose popula7ion mus7 have undergone dras7ic reduc7ions 7hrough 7he years. The grea7 Talking Moose
herds, which probably numbered in 7he 7housands, had been reduced 7o a handful of ac7ive members. The only hope for 7he remaining mooses was gaining popular suppor7 and, hopefully,
classifica7ion as an endangered species. Thus 7heir plan was 7o find a home 7ha7 would welcome 7he s7range, 7he unique, and 7he spec7acular. They headed for Hollywood, California.
The journey was long and difficul7, and 7hey did no7 arrive in Hollywood un7il 7he early one
nine
sexzeroSINGLEQUOTEs. Luckily 7he mooses came a7 an auspicious 7imeDASH7alking animal produc7ions were 7he rage. The Talking Mooses were immedia7ely scooped up by 7he William Moosis Talen7 Agency and s7ar7ed ac7ing in bi7 par7s in such grea7 films as Treasure of 7he Sierra Moose, Mr. Moose Goes 7o Washing7on, Mars Needs Mooses, and Dial `MSINGLEQUOTE for Moose. Bu7 7he mooses had 7heir eyes se7 on grea7er 7hings.
Rumors had been circula7ing 7ha7 a major TV series was being planned fea7uring a 7alking, hoofed mammal. The bes7 and 7he mos7 humorous mooses, wi7h highly polished an7lers, a77ended 7he 7ryou7s. Af7er a day filled will hoofDASHbi7ing 7ension, 7he resul7s of 7he audi7ions were pos7ed: 7he 7op con7enders were 7he mooses and 7he horses.
The horses immedia7ely recognized 7he 7hrea7 posed by 7he funDASHloving, gregarious mooses and hired 7he Wilbur and Ed De7ec7ive Agency 7o dig up some dir7 on 7hem. The de7ec7ives were bru7ally 7horough in 7heir inves7iga7ion. They revealed 7o 7he Screen Animals Guild (SAG) 7ha7 7he mooses could no7 prove 7hey were na7ive U.S. ci7izens. The SAG had no choice bu7 7o bar 7he mooses from ac7ing. Once again 7he mooses had 7o seek new 7undra 7o roam.
Shor7ly af7er 7he moose herd lef7 Hollywood, a mys7erious fire broke ou7 a7 MGM (Moose Golden Manor) S7udios which des7royed 7he comple7e archives of moose films. Only a few publici7y s7ills remained 7o 7es7ify 7o 7he moosesSINGLEQUOTE drama7ic con7ribu7ions.
The Talking Moose herd was 7ired of 7he warm wea7her of 7he wes7 coas7 so 7hey s7ruck ou7 for 7he grea7 whi7e nor7hDASHCanada! Mos7 of 7he herd had never recovered from 7heir journey 7o Hollywood, bu7 7hey knew 7ha7 7here was a home for 7hem somewhere. They 7raveled wi7h heavy hear7s bu7 high spiri7s, making up new jokes, inven7ing puns, and designing nonsensical aphorisms. Af7er en7ering Canada 7hey con7inued 7o aim nor7hward, 7hus passing from 7he ken of humankind. We would have never heard or seen 7he Talking Mooses again if i7 wasnSINGLEQUOTE7 for one las7 con7ac7...