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The next hint of the moose subculture comes from pre-revolutionary France. Apparently a minor nobleman in the
Ministry of Information and Social Critique by the name of Jean Louis Moose took it upon himself to design monuments
to his king. Sadly, Jean Louis was neither an enlightened nobleman nor a good designer, although he could dress well and
was great with a snappy comeback. His one work, "L' Moose," was destroyed during the French revolution.
While the revolution was raging, neither Man nor moose of high birth was safe. When Jean Louis heard that a moose from the royal zoo was due to be executed for crimes against the people, he made a heroic decision; to have another one of those yummy eclairs. After the eclair, he decided to save the moose.
Under the cover of night Jean Louis made his way into the revolutionists' headquarters and free the moose! But when he broke one of his high heels during his escape (Did I mention he was disguised wearing a dress?) he was caught. Jean Louis was found guilty of aiding the enemy and was deported to the new French colony in Canada.
Jean Louis, a broken man, spent his last days wandering the cold Canadian countryside repenting his ways by protesting against the booming fur trade. His last words were, "L' oeuvre c'est rien - L' Moose c'est tout!" (The work is nothing the Moose is everything!)
Not until the late 1920's did the elements of the persuasive moose influence penetrate the United States of America. At that time the U.S. was in the grip of the Great Depression. Times were very tough on humans, let alone mooses.
In an attempt to revitalize the economy, the treasury department came up with a plan to adjust the monetary balance in a novel manner. They believed that the issue of a new $3 bill sporting the
profile of a moose would allow the government to issue as much money as it needed to pay debts while never having to worry that anyone would actually spend it! The bills were almost ready to go
into production when, at the last minute, a plan that curried more favor with the executive branch, the wildly popular $2 bill, was carried forward instead.
Scientists, whose job it is to be experts about these kinds of things, agree that the Talking Moose population must have undergone drastic reductions through the years. The great Talking Moose
herds, which probably numbered in the thousands, had been reduced to a handful of active members. The only hope for the remaining mooses was gaining popular support and, hopefully,
classification as an endangered species. Thus their plan was to find a home that would welcome the strange, the unique, and the spectacular. They headed for Hollywood, California.
The journey was long and difficult, and they did not arrive in Hollywood until the early 1960's. Luckily the mooses came at an auspicious time-talking animal productions were the rage. The Talking Mooses were immediately scooped up by the William Moosis Talent Agency and started acting in bit parts in such great films as Treasure of the Sierra Moose, Mr. Moose Goes to Washington, Mars Needs Mooses, and Dial `M' for Moose. But the mooses had their eyes set on greater things.
Rumors had been circulating that a major TV series was being planned featuring a talking, hoofed mammal. The best and the most humorous mooses, with highly polished antlers, attended the tryouts. After a day filled will hoof-biting tension, the results of the auditions were posted: the top contenders were the mooses and the horses.
The horses immediately recognized the threat posed by the fun-loving, gregarious mooses and hired the Wilbur and Ed Detective Agency to dig up some dirt on them. The detectives were brutally thorough in their investigation. They revealed to the Screen Animals Guild (SAG) that the mooses could not prove they were native U.S. citizens. The SAG had no choice but to bar the mooses from acting. Once again the mooses had to seek new tundra to roam.
Shortly after the moose herd left Hollywood, a mysterious fire broke out at MGM (Moose Golden Manor) Studios which destroyed the complete archives of moose films. Only a few publicity stills remained to testify to the mooses' dramatic contributions.
The Talking Moose herd was tired of the warm weather of the west coast so they struck out for the great white north-Canada! Most of the herd had never recovered from their journey to Hollywood, but they knew that there was a home for them somewhere. They traveled with heavy hearts but high spirits, making up new jokes, inventing puns, and designing nonsensical aphorisms. After entering Canada they continued to aim northward, thus passing from the ken of humankind. We would have never heard or seen the Talking Mooses again if it wasn't for one last contact...
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