When did I Sleep?

In 1959 my mother was irradiated by Sputnik as part of the Russkie's early zed-ray mutation experiments. Their experiment backfired horribly and the greatest mind in North America, or at least in Columbus, Indiana was born.

In 1966 my father set me down in front of a teletype terminal at his job. I would type things in and the terminal would chatter away. Although it was all GIGO, I thought it was hilarious.

In 1972 I was mastering Pong and disassembling the machine while my mother wasn't looking. It was odd, how the electrical shocks just reinforced my predilections instead of retarding them.

In 1976 I formed a deep attachment with a PDP 8/e and quickly acquired a taste for silicon. I found that programming in octal and burning PROMs was a rewarding hobby.

In 1984 I realized that software is more comfortable to lay on instead of hardware. I only regret my decision when I watch the MIT robot competitions.

In 1990 I founded my own software company named Baseline Publishing. Before I had a chance to do anything, Marcus Stafford was there stealing my money in poker games. He and I published a couple of neat pieces of Macintosh software, like Thunder7 and the Talking Moose. Thank goodness we had Drew Stamps to help design the packaging. David Gilliland was there, too - but he was always up to no good.

In 1994 I moved to California and became enmeshed in the technology culture around Apple Computer. Even though it was fun, I couldn't shake the desire to return to Memphis. I came back home and with my friends founded Quest Interactive Media. I also came to reluctantly appreciate the company of Vaskin Kissoyan and Mike O'Hearn.

In 1997 Quest blossomed, which caused our enemies to wail and our friends to rend their garments. During this time, I came to the painful awareness that there were even more people working there. Namely: I had to wait in line to brush my teeth. It always seemed like Megan Jones, Scott Moss, and Warner Witt were in front of me.

In 1998 Quest was fraudulently acquired by USWeb. I knew my stellar intelligence would only arouse envy and hate in the corporate types, so I quickly exited stage right. I spent the remainder of the year traveling about and enjoying the life of leisure.

In 1999 I camped out in the offices of Synapse until I was hired. Once I was secure in getting a paycheck my sunny respectful nature turned evil and sour. Regardless, Patrick Miller, Shuan Lessman, Sam Lee, and Tatia Johnson still liked me. Since I was working for an ISP, Mom thought it was a good time to become wired and my father soon followed. I've regretted both decisions ever since.

In 2001 I married Pamela Michele Pearson after a torrid internet love affair. Included in the package was her son, Joshua, who was, without a doubt, the coolest kid since me. Just after our marriage, Synapse was sold... ...twice. I once again entered the world of freelancing. Pamela continued working at her job: cutting up dead people for money.

In 2003 I survived thanks to the work given to me by Lokion, which was run by Marcus and Megan. I continued to hone my parenting skills until I reached the point that Joshua was on track to become a world leader. I also spent an inordinate amount of time creating legal advice websites for Crone & Mason, PLC.

In 2007 I wrote the philosophical treaties Subjective Reality and the User Interface of the Universe. It was not very well received, mainly because the ideas express therein were too radical for the day. I was very popular on the university lecture circuit, though.

In 2021 I purchased a share in a communal freeholder landgrant on Io. While there I participated in one of the strangest and controversial social engineering experiments of the century. The details are still DRM seal, so I can't say anything more about it.

In 2060 I emigrated to Luna, mainly for the view. Two years later I became involved with the Tycho Uprising which re-established the universal right to read. During the conflict my body was destroyed by a booby-trapped e-book reader planted by the Software Protection Authority. Thank goodness I was on the SESO (Save Early, Save Often) insurance plan, which has allowed me to continue to exist in a non-coporeal format.

At various times that I can't easily remember, I have been employed in positions of authority and power at Memphis State University, University of Tennessee, Federal Express, Preferred Publishers, Baseline Publishing, Light Software, Apple Computer, Quest Interactive Media, Synapse, and Lokion Interactive. My resume says it in a bit more detail.

I hear that David Cronenberg III is planning to do a tri-d version of my unauthorized biography.